Since this is my last post from France before returning to the U.S., I thought I would provide a look back at my time abroad, as well as sprinkle in a few last pictures of Montpellier. The above photo was taken the night before my departure, when I decided to take a long walk along the river.
I had heard that, once overseas, expats banded together such that they constituted a tribe of sorts. In Montpellier I experienced this. I met truly the nicest group of people, mainly Americans, but also British, French, Dutch, and Belgian. The commonality was that we all spoke English, which was the good and bad of it. Of course, it was wonderful to be able to converse in my native tongue. But not being forced to speak French as much as possible meant that my French advanced some, but not what I had hoped for after spending three months in the country. Still, I’m not sure I would have changed anything. The time I spent playing Pétanque, going to coffees, lunches and dinners, and hosting and attending apéros was well spent, as I believe I made some lasting friendships, which, in my book, is more important than being able to understand every word of a French conversation.
On that note, probably the most cutting remark on my lack of fluency came at the Post Office. I had brought in a box to mail to the U.S. and wasn’t quite sure what went on the forms (Sender’s Address…uh, my French address, as in my hotel, or my American address?). A rather impatient postal worker walked me through all the fields, explaining it all in French (French address). I filled out the forms accordingly and handed them to her, along with my package. Let me just note again… this was all done in French! So, when she said something to me, after accepting the package, in rapid French, and I said I didn’t understand, she gave me a withering look, and said, in French, “Next time bring someone who speaks French with you.” Oooh burn! But, really?
Generally, though, people were very nice and when they realized I was trying to practice their language, would indulge me, rather than use their English. Of course, I was going to French class 1.5 hours a day, most weekdays, which did help. Still, I would not call that intensive learning.
Some things I learned: it’s possible to get along without the following.
- garbage disposal
- dryer
- large dwelling
- ton of storage space
- extensive wardrobe
In the U.S. we are so accustomed to our creature comforts it would be easy think they are necessities. For a couple of months, I lived in a two-bedroom apartment, where two people normally live, with one closet (not a walk-in) between them, a fairly typical arrangement. There was no garbage disposal or dryer; there was a washer. I got along fine. So, the towels were a little crunchy and you had to spread out sheets on a rack. The system worked. Meanwhile, the time that we in the U.S. spend in tending to our larger homes (decorating, rearranging, cleaning, etc.) is mostly free time for the French. They go to cafes, movies, and travel to cool places. There’s simply more emphasis on connecting with others and being out in the world.
Along those lines, get-togethers are much more spontaneous, I found. For example, it would be perfectly normal for someone to text me in the afternoon to ask if I wanted to go hear jazz that night. In my experience, in the U.S., it takes way more effort to coordinate calendars to figure out a time conducive to the schedules of all parties involved to meet before finally arriving at a time and a day. I invited a couple for an apéro (happy hour) at “my place” one Thursday morning for 6 pm that evening. They came, happily, and we had a lovely time.
Apéros, by the way, are an easy way to entertain. There is no expectation of dinner (although there is something called an apéro dinatoire, where you serve heavy appetizers that basically constitute a meal). But a simple apéro means that the host need merely supply three or four of the following: Olives, one or more spreads (such as hummus) with crackers, veg (such as cherry tomatoes or baby carrots), nuts, some sort of sweet (maybe macarons or chocolates). Notice cheese is not an option, as this is not offered at an apéro. Admittedly, when it was Americans as both host and guest, this would not necessarily apply. Some of the best cheese I had in Montpellier I bought from a fromagerie specifically to serve at an apéro – but, my guests were American, so I figured it was OK.
Another advantage to an apéro is that it will only last 1.5-2 hours. Then, people go home to have dinner.
As for my health…I was never sick. I enjoyed the freedom that the French system provided with its requirement to be vaccinated to be able to go into public spaces. Wearing a mask also helped prevent illness, I’m sure. In fact, since March 14, when masking was no longer a requirement (except on public transport), four friends who weathered the pandemic in good health came down with what they thought were nasty colds, but turned out to be Covid.
The war in Ukraine appears to be here to stay, for a while at least. And Ukrainians keep coming to Montpellier. Last weekend I was happy to go shopping with a Ukrainian woman, Tatiana, and an American expat friend, as up until then Tatiana had not wanted any financial help in spite of needing so much. Tatiana and her husband, from Kharkiv, Ukraine’s second largest city, had been planning to go to their country home, so had suitcases packed in the car, which meant they had more clothes than many at the point where they decided it was too dangerous to stay in Ukraine. Her husband stayed behind to fight; Tatiana collected her parents so quickly on her way out of the country, that they literally left with the clothes on their backs. Her mother had for shoes, only slippers, in shreds at this point. Tatiana was an accountant in Ukraine, living a good life, so was embarrassed to suddenly be in need of money and other assistance. Thus, while she would not take money, she finally agreed to come with my friend and me to buy items for her parents at least, such as shoes and other necessities. We managed to sneak in a couple of things for her too, over her protestations. Of course, the war drags on to this day. The stress Tatiana and her parents must experience every day must be unbearable and likely representative of what all Ukrainian people are going through.
So, homeward bound this week, which I’m looking forward to, although there are weighty questions ahead. I plan to apply for a visa to have the option of living in France for a year or more. But, related, are decisions yet to be made, for example, what to do with my current home (rent? sell?) the biggest. My goal in living in France for three months was to try to assimilate as much as possible to get a feel for what it would be like to live there permanently. People would inevitably ask me if I was “en vacances.” I never felt like I was on vacation, though, as I was trying to be a local. Yet here I was in the south of France for a limited period of time having fun. Evidently a new word is required for the state of being in which I existed!
Stay tuned, if you wish. I will post again the week of April 25 to provide an update. Until then, thank you, those of you who’ve been following along. Your comments and readership have meant a great deal to me! I hope you’ve enjoyed some vicarious travel to La Belle France.
